By ddavvidd
(Edited By: Punkmonkey25)

Are you tired of that horribly weak beer you can find almost anywhere in Runescape? If so, then either walk, teleport, or glide your way on over to the grand tree. These drinks are homemade by none-other than do you know who? You got it; yourself! So go to the grand tree and enter the room where King Narnode Shareen hangs out. Go up the ladder and go through the east door. Finally, head south-east and find Heckle Funch. Heckle Funch is there for all of your alcoholic needs. He deals in four different types of alcohol. These four types are brandy, gin, vodka, and whiskey. Oh yeah, and Heckle doesn’t only deal in alcohol; he sells many different types of fruits and ingredients that you will need in order to make these cocktails.

Hello folks! For today’s gnome guide, we will be learning how to make gnome cocktails. There are seven different varieties of gnome cocktails. Two of which have no alcohol, and as for the other five--well...you’ll see shortly.

Cocktail Shaker Notes -In order to make any cocktail, you will need a "cocktail shaker" -In order to make juice of pineapple, simply use a pineapple with the cocktail shaker. This also applies for any other fruit: lime, lemon, orange, dwellberries, and equaleaves

To start off with our cocktails, we will be making non-alcoholic drinks for all you minors out there.

The first cocktail up is-

Fruit Blast

This cocktail does not weaken or make you any stronger nor does it affect your stats in any way.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail shaker
1 Knife
1 Cocktail glass
2 Lemon’s
1 Orange
1 Pineapple
Instructions
Use one lemon with cocktail shaker. Next, use one orange with that same cocktail shaker. Then use one pineapple with the same cocktail shaker. Have a cocktail glass in your inventory (cocktail glasses spawn just west of where heckle Funch hangs out) and pour the cocktail shaker (or just left click the cocktail shaker and it will do it for you). Use knife with the second lemon and select "slice". Use lemon slices with cocktail glass and if you did it correctly, you have just made a Fruit Blast!

Now it's time to get serious and make:

Pineapple Punch

This cocktail does not weaken or make you any stronger nor does it affect your stats in any way.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail shaker
1 Knife
1 Cocktail glass
1 Lemon
1 Orange
3 Pineapples
2 Limes
Instructions
Use two pineapples with cocktail shaker, and then use one lemon with cocktail shaker. Next, use one orange with the very same cocktail shaker. Pour the cocktail shaker into the cocktail glass just like we did with the Fruit Blast. Use knife with pineapple. Then use knife with lime; select "diced pineapple" and "diced lime". Use diced pineapple first then use the diced lime with the cocktail glass. Use knife with the other lime you have, and select "slice". Use sliced lime with cocktail glass and you are done!

And now the moment you have been waiting for. Time to add some alcohol and spice things up a bit!

Drunk Dragon

The Drunk Dragon Gives you five extra strength and lowers your attack by four. Your attack will continue lowering every time u drink one of these, but your strength will not continue to increase each time.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail shaker
1 Cocktail glass
1 Knife
1 Vodka
1 Pineapple
1 Gin
1 Dwellberry
1 Cream
Instructions
Use vodka with cocktail shaker. Use gin with the same cocktail shaker. Use dwellberries with the same cocktail shaker. Pour the mixture into a cocktail glass as we have learned earlier. Dice the pineapple by using knife with pineapple and selecting "dice". Add the diced pineapple to the cocktail glass. Use cream with cocktail glass. Use "odd looking drink" with furnace (which can be found south of where heckle Funch is).

Here's something to laugh at--the name of the next drink to come:

SGG (Short Green Guy)

The SGG Gives you three extra strength and decreases your attack by 4.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail shaker
1 Vodka
1 Cocktail glass
4 Limes
1 Equa leaf
Instructions
Use vodka with cocktail shaker. Use three limes with the same cocktail shaker. Pour the cocktail. Use equaleaves with the cocktail. Use knife with the remaining lime and slice the lime. Use lime slice with the cocktail.

Let's see how drunk we can get with a mere five drinks!

Chocolate Saturday

The Chocolate Saturday Gives you five extra strength and decreases your attack by four.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail Shaker
1 Whisky
1 Cocktail glass
1 Knife
1 Milk
1 Equa leave
1 Chocolate Bar
1 Chocolate Dust
1 Cream
Instructions
Use whiskey with cocktail shaker. Use milk with the same cocktail shaker. Use equaleaves with the very same cocktail shaker. Pour the mixture into the cocktail glass. Add chocolate bar. Use cocktail glass with range and add one cream. Finish it off by adding one chocolate dust.

Phew! All that cocktail making has made me so thirsty! So I'll begin making the next cocktail just as soon as the room stops spinning,.

Okay, now that the room has stopped, it's time to see just how drunk this next drink will make us:

Blurberry special

The Blurberry Special increases your strength by five and decreases your attack by four.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail Shaker
1 Brandy
1 Cocktail glass
1 Knife
3 Lemons
1 Equa leave
2 Oranges
1 Lime
1 Gin
1 Vodka
Instructions
Mix the vodka, gin, and brandy into the cokctail shaker. Add to that two lemons and one orange. Pour this mixture into the cocktail glass. Use knife with orange and lemon and select "dice" to make orange and lemon chunks. Add the diced orange and lemon to cocktail glass. Use knife with lime to make lime slices. Use lime slice with cocktail glass. Finally, use equa leaves with the cocktail glass. And there, my friends, is a Blurberry special

Okay...you’ve done okay so far, but now we are pulling out all the stops. This is the last drink known to gnomes and man alike. Good luck!

Wizard Blizzard

The Wizard blizzard gives you plus four strength and decreases your attack by four.

Ingredients/Items needed-
1 Cocktail Shaker
2 Pinapples
1 Cocktail glass
1 Knife
1 Lemon
1 Orange
2 Limes
1 Gin
1 Vodka
Instructions
Mix the following together in the cocktail shaker: 1 Pineapple 1 Lime 1 Orange 1 Lemon 2 Vodka 1 Gin Pour the mixture into a cocktail glass. Use knife with pineapple. Select "dice" to cut the pineapple into pineapple chunks. Use knife with lime. "Slice" the lime to obtain lime slices. Use pineapple chunks with cocktail glass. And to finish it, use lime slices with cocktail glass.

Why on earth is it called a wizard blizzard when it doesn’t affect your magic? I have no clue; I just make the stuff.

I hope you have learned something from all of this drink-making. Time to go crack out the Tylenol and ice bags! By the way...who's the designated driver?