Rune Village .::. Where RuneScapers Escape

By:Boblin543, King Gimli and Sroy2

Edited By: Tweedy, ShadowDragon and King Zonk

Coded By: mogomongoose, Glodenox

Introduction:
Bob the Jagex Cat is a relatively recent addition to the land of RuneScape. Bob roams around the RuneScape world on every server and can be found in the most likely and unlikely of places.

When you first talk to him he usually says:

Bob: Erm, hello? Can you understand me?
You: I certainly can, I am wearing this amulet I got in Sophanem!
Bob: Ah so you’ve met one of the local felines, Wise and confusing Sphinges.
You: Wow!!! You know the plural of Sphinx!!! What else do you know?
Bob: All sorts of stuff! I pick up no end of comments on my travels, want to hear one?
You: I certainly do. Share your wisdom, Bob!

With your Cat:
Bob: Hi, my name is Bob.
Your cat: Hello Bob!
You: Do you two know each other?
Your cat: I don’t think so...
Bob: Yes you do. Dive deep, search your feelings.
Your cat: OK, I will try
You: What’s up kitty?
Bob: If only you knew the power of Bob. Your master never told you who your real father was, did he?
Your cat: No, but what’s that got to do with... no, nooooooo! It cannot be!!
Bob: Yes. I am your father!
Your cat: That’s impossible!!
Bob: You can destroy Zamorak. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule this place as father and son.
Your cat: OK dad, maybe later, you’re scaring me!
You: I think that’s about enough of that. I’m off.

His wisdom.

These are Bob's pieces of wisdom which he sometimes tells RuneScape Travelers, with an Amulet of Catspeak

Bob: If a player falls down in the forest and nobody is there, do he make any noise?
Bob: Sorry I am too busy marking my territory.
You: Your territory? This place is ruled by Grand Highmage Gower and his minions
Bob: I think not. They are my minions. And I let them think he is in charge. I’m the real power behind the throne.
Bob: Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are Guthix!
You: What do you believe Bob?
Bob: Well I don’t believe much really since I know I am Zar..erm, well no I erm, meow?
'Zar' is the first three letters for the ancient RuneScape god, Zaros
Bob: Don’t get distracted easily! See I’m distracting you right now!
Bob: Sorry I’m far too busy calculating thermal vectors.
You: EH?
Bob: Erm, sorry… I meant erm, meow?
Bob: Nothing interesting happens.
You: Eh? That’s hardly useful.
Bob: Ahh but you see. It does all sorts of wondrous things.
You: Like what?
Bob: Well its more to do with what happens when you hear that being said. You see, something interesting happens somewhere else.
You: So what you’re saying is that if nothing interesting happens to me, then something interesting is happening for someone else that IS interesting?
Bob: Yes, that’s about it.
You: Ok…I see… I think.
Bob: (Your name), why do you keep your cat in the bank?
You: I thought it was too dangerous to bring it out with me.
You: Or, I could let the poor thing get butchered! Is that what you want?
Bob: Butchered!!! I think not. Cats are easily as tough as sheep.
Bob: Cats were the second thing Guthix brought here, after sheep of course.
You: Weird. I thought Gnomes and the Dwarves were the first ones. Oh well back to school for me.
Bob: Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
Bob: So, you want to know how us cats keep so clean all day?
You: Must be all that washing you do.
Bob: You would think so wouldn’t you. But is being covered in spot really clean?
You: Eeww... gross.
Bob: Anything that is not nailed down is a cat toy.
Bob: If at first you don’t succeed, take a short nap.
Bob: Yeah I could tell you something really useful, but then I would have to “1-Hit you” to death.
You: Bob, you couldn’t 1-hit a noob.
Bob: Care to wager on that? Sorry hang on, I’ve got no pockets. Maybe next time.
You: I’ll be waiting.
Bob: Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
Bob: I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats in infinitely superior.
Bob: There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.
Bob: Cat and teleporting don’t mix well. That’s why I walk everywhere, messes my hair up terribly.
You: Do you like all the monsters around here?
Bob: No, not really. I am actually signed up with the HAM fanatics. Kill the whole lot of ‘em!
You: That’s a bit cruel isn’t it?
Bob: Yeah, that’s one of my best qualities. Just behind sneaky and vicious. Besides, after a few doses of catnip, they all look like mice to me!
Bob: Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Bob: Sorry no time to chat, still got mouse bones stuck in my teeth. How awkward.
Bob: You know, cats are the first species to fully evolve. We’re perfect.
Bob: Preserve nature. Pickle a dog!
Bob: Do you like dogs?
You: Yes!
Bob: Me too. Care to swap recipes? I have a rather unique hotdog sauce.
You: Bob, you’re a bit messed up really aren’t you.
Bob: No, I just know what I like. Besides, it was a joke.
You: A joke? I doubt the dogs are laughing.
Bob: What dogs? I have already rid this place of dogs. Have you ever seen one?
You: Yes actually. I heard there are a few wild dogs about here somewhere.
Bob: Right!! Fellow cats prepare for war!!

The Cat Rule Book.

Cat rule # 1:
Always act afraid around dogs., especially if you’re near a human. They will pick you up and fuss you, then shout at the dog. Most amusing

Cat rule # 2:
When assisting a human at work, make sure you sit behind it’s right leg. You stand a much better chance of getting picked up and stroked. Also its very amusing when they try to avoid you and smash themselves in the knee.

Cat rule # 3:
If you ever make a mistake, which is rare and probably involves a dog, make sure you wash yourself immediately. This will give everyone the impression that it was done on purpose.

Cat rule # 4:
Beware the bag monster. These things live in small bags under newspapers, sometimes hidden in shoes if they are clever. They will be very small and take the same color as the hiding place. Attack these things one sight- stop at nothing. If you see a bag or shoe you have not inspected recently, pounce!!!

The Pictures.

In conclusion, Bob the Jagex Cat is actually the creator of Runescape (and controls Andrew Gower and the other Jagex Staff). Bob is also the god believed to have vanished, Zaros. Why he has assumed the form of a cat and whether he chose to or was forced, has not been determined yet.

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